This episode is designed to help you integrate as you listen. Thoughtful pacing, intentional music, and space to reflect on what you personally need – not just information, but an experience that invites you to tend what’s emerging. Most integration teaching focuses on what to do after something profound happens. This episode goes deeper: when integration actually starts, how to approach it based on your specific patterns, and why the timing matters more than you think. You’re standing at a fork in the road every time something shifts. Come on in to discover what’s at stake when choose. (Part 1 of 2)
What you’ll learn:
- Why profound moments fade – and how to keep them alive
- How to match integration practices to your specific patterns
- When integration actually starts (it’s not when you think)
- What integration is beyond the vague advice you’ve already heard
Additional Resource (Not Mentioned):
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Full Transcript:
Welcome in From Out of the Rain, I’m Quai and this is In Your Hands. Herbal Self-Care for Emotional Bodies, a podcast about the complexities of building your own wellness blueprint. I’m a psychotherapist and herbalist who brings a critical lens to the systems that both help and harm. I’ll hold that tension with you as we explore plant remedies, trauma work, nervous system support, and building self-care foundations.
And now for that awkward. Disclaimer, I’ve gotta give you. This shows for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for therapy or personalized herbal care. The herbal remedies and practices discussed are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Please consult your healthcare provider for medical advice.
Now, let’s begin.
I know you’ve had profound experiences before, moments that felt significant, that shifted something in you, that made you think, yes, this is what I need more of. Or maybe there’s something here for me to understand better, but here’s what often happens. A week later, maybe two, you’re back into regular life and those insights have faded, the clarity is gone and it becomes just a nice memory or a sense of like, oh, something was interesting there, but I don’t really remember what it was.
Becomes fuzzy instead of a catalyst for change, if you’re wanting to do personal growth work, whether that’s through. Therapy, some type of other practice, creative work, or just intentionally showing up for yourself. You may have seen this happen before. Something profound comes up and then it slips away.
This isn’t just you. This is part of being human, and we all have moments that touch us into something real, and then life pulls us back into every day. And maybe part of why certain insights. Fade, like the ones that feel important that might unsettle you a little bit or point to something that you may need to look at more closely is because there’s a fear about what it means to actually work with ’em.
Of course, you’d wanna step back from that, but I believe there’s a misperception that might be a relief, and let’s get into that right now. Okay? Okay. The fear of being inundated or not equipped is real, and it keeps people from even starting, but that’s not what this work is. You get to choose how deep you go and when the work is about what’s sustainable and workable for you, not forcing yourself into more than you can hold at once.
There’s a gentler way in that’s not destabilizing. Here’s what that actually looks like. You spend a few minutes, like 10 minutes max, noticing what came up in a conversation or in a therapy session, jotting down and just noting two to three things that stood out from whatever experience you’re having or whatever you’re learning from.
That’s it.
You are not excavating your entire childhood. You are not trying to figure out everything that was profound from some experience that you just had. You’re working with what’s alive right now, or maybe you’re integrating something from a conversation that shifted you. You can decide I’m staying with this one theme for the next week and let everything else wait.
The work stays contained because you’re choosing the boundaries of it. The time you give it, the depth you explore and what you wanna focus on, and what you’ll let be for. Now today we’re talking about what can happen if you stay with things. Instead of letting them fade, here’s what could happen. That profound experience becomes a living part of how you move through the world.
The seeds it planted actually grow. The shifts stick. It doesn’t fade. Deepens. I don’t mean this in a dramatic way. I mean it as in gradual growth and expansion. So what makes a difference? It’s not vague promises to yourself to remember this feeling or anything that feels like you’re going through the motions.
’cause those things won’t work. But specific intentional practices that keeps something alive for you that can work with you and how you. Are and where you’re at can carry you into transformation. And I wanna be clear about two things. One is that with these actions I’m talking about light lifts, not heavy burdens, things that you don’t have a lot of resistance to.
And the second thing is that transformation doesn’t have to be earth shattering to be real. Small shifts that are sustained over time fundamentally change how you live. And it’s not a less than transformation when. Something is subtle. That’s how deep change actually happens. It’s easy to overlook something that feels like of note in the moment, but then gets treated as a passing thought or no big deal, and the real potential never takes flight.
The idea I’m talking about is integration work where you let what’s emerging take root in your day-to-day life. But I’ve found if we just use this term integration as a non-specific, without personalizing it and having a menu of varied options, it just kind of falls flat. So let’s fix that.
Here’s what’s important. Integration looks different for different people. What works for one person won’t work for another, and what worked for you at one point in time may need a different approach at another time. So finding the most effective integration is about your tendencies, what you’re drawn to, and exactly what you’re trying to integrate.
We’ll walk through different styles of integration so you can find what speaks to you.
Here’s one way to think about it.
If you’re working with how you move through relationships or how you could be navigating your daily life differently, this lens might help. What’s emerging is like a path. You’re discovering,
integration keeps you walking it instead of losing your way. So you’re clearing obstacles, noticing when you drift off and finding your way back.
And here’s another way to think about it. If what’s coming up isn’t fully understood yet, maybe it’s new forming or you figured out something isn’t working, but you don’t know why yet this lens might help, let’s merging is like a flame.
Integration intentions are how you tend to the fire. So it keeps burning. You’re fanning the flames, adding fuel, noticing what brightens or dims it the is there. You just need to keep tending to it so it grows.
Here’s what I’ve noticed. There’s a moment when you realize something is significant and right then you’re standing at a fork on the road. One path is tending. You stay with what’s emerging. You build scaffolding, the resources, the pace you need, adjustments, and whatever it is that helps to make that sustainable.
You stay through the mystery and the frustration. The other path is letting it drift.
Here’s what I want you to consider. If you choose the tending path, if you wanna cross to the other side, this is what that journey looks like. Crossing is a gradual journey. You gotta stay through what feels like setbacks. Often. It’s important to not let that discourage you because they usually aren’t setbacks at all.
Processes aren’t linear. You usually return to something you didn’t get or didn’t fully get, or only got parts of it the first time. We have to spiral back to stuff through time. What you’re working on now might come back at a different point in time, maybe even years down the road. And when it does, you’ll be different.
The work you do now changes how you’ll meet it next time. That’s how integration works across a lifetime and within this integration work, you may need to reconfigure along the way. Adjusting your pace, building in more resources. Finding what helps you get more comfortable, more comfort is possible, but you may never discover what you need if you don’t stay with what is,
and there may be something you need along the way that you don’t know yet. That’s why staying with it matters. The path reveals what you need as you walk it. Now, I know there’s temptation when you’re in discomfort, like you just want out. If you wanna find the the quickest way to fix it, and it makes sense to wanna move away from pain, like no shame there.
But here’s what happens When you try to get out of discomfort without finding root causes, you’ll find yourself back in some other version of what wasn’t working for you. If you stay with integrating what you’re discovering, you’re raising the bar, going for what’s lasting instead of bandaid fixes. And it’s okay if you need to take a break.
Hopefully you keep a map or a bookmark of what you’re working on for when you’re ready to come back. What’s important is that you’re aware of what you’re doing. Otherwise it’s murky. Is it a break or has some part of you taken over that’s trying to get you out of this discomfort? That’s integration. The path, the fire staying with what is.
Hey there. You’re standing at another fork in the road right now. One path is keeping this for yourself. The other is sharing it with someone who may be navigating therapy, preparing for a journey, or travels or struggling to make insights. Last Hit the share button in your podcast app and send them this episode.
Thank you so much.
Sometimes, you know, something significant is coming like a trip. You’re planning a therapy process. You’re beginning or a creative project you’re diving into. Other times you don’t know until it’s happening or it just happened like a dream. You wake up and you’re like. Gosh, this dream won’t leave me alone.
Or the rug gets pulled out from under you and you realize this is an initiation into something new. And you’re like, okay, life is not gonna be exactly the same anymore, or something in my life is a is shifted in some way. Um, or maybe a conversation shifts something for you and you feel it in your body.
So those are the times that you’re like, oh, all right, now I’m realizing I’m in something here.
As soon as you recognize this matters, that’s when integration begins. As soon as you think this theme keeps coming up, or I’m in something important, that’s your cue to start collecting what I call artifacts. These are pieces of the experience you can return to.
Think of it like gathering things into a container so you can keep pulling them out and examining them.
So what are the artifacts like? What would that look like? They’re the details that matter. So like example one, you’re on a trip somewhere, maybe. A new neighborhood, maybe in nature, maybe a place you’ve never been before and something feels really good, but you can’t quite name what it is.
Your art artifacts are the visuals that struck you, the sounds or the smells, how your body felt or feels moving through that space, and most importantly, specific descriptions of what feels good and how. How you notice it felt good.
If you can get granular, this will help you. How your body responded. What thoughts or feelings came up the exact moment you notice? Yes, this feels good if you can like. Do a journal point, you know, bullet point journal or something like that. Just get them down somewhere.
Example two, you’re in a therapy session and suddenly you connect two things that you never realized were linked. Your artifacts are what those two issues are and what the connection is. You could journal or make a collage with images of both of these. Struggles placed side by side. Third example, you wake up from a vivid, you’re like, I don’t know.
I keep thinking about this. I don’t know why. Your artifact could be a voice memo, describing it to yourself, telling a trusted person about it, or considering symbols that came up. The key is capture. Its. Somehow just something to hold onto so it doesn’t slip away. And doing it in a way that it doesn’t drain you or make you dread because it feels like a lot of work.
Now, an important note about collecting artifacts. Pick one to three things. Threes even a lot. Um, you’re just looking for what stands out the most. You don’t need to capture everything that defeats the purpose and doesn’t serve you. Focus on what’s specific and alive for you. Notice in those examples, I didn’t capture everything.
Just the details that matters. That’s all you need. Okay, so let’s recap where we are. Integration work is how you keep profound moments from fading into nice memories. It’s about tending what’s emerging, like tending a fire or staying on a path you’re discovering. It starts as soon as you realize this matters.
Not after everything’s over. That’s when you wanna begin collecting artifacts, the details, the sensations, the insights you can return to.
Now let’s talk about integration and practice. There are two pieces to this. First, what integration looks like, the actual practices, the variety of things you can do. Second, how to approach it depends on your patterns. And your patterns might be like things that you generally understand about yourself, like I tend to overwork or I tend to move away from things.
Or it could be what’s happening in the here and now. Like I don’t usually throw myself into this other thing, but I’m noticing that I’m doing that now. So I’m going to give you a menu and you can see what you’re drawn to, what’s alive for you right now.
So on this menu, we have types of integration work. People often think about journaling, and that’s great. If you’re drawn to reflection and writing, use it. Integration doesn’t have to be mental work.
Sometimes staying physically connected to what’s emerging actually helps it take root. The key is making it relevant. It’s not just go get that massage and call it integration. It’s about choosing practices that connect to what you’re working with. So for example, maybe you’re integrating a realization about making yourself small.
A movement class that works on taking up space or a vocal class where you’re experimenting with getting your voice out. The physical practice reinforces what’s emerging.
Or maybe you’re working with control or rigidity, massage or body work where you practice letting go and releasing tension can become part of your integration. Maybe you are integrating something about being disconnected from your body or cut off from parts of your emotional experience and embodied practice where you track what’s happening in the here and now and working with sensations, how you’re moving emotions.
That’s. Surface images or me, uh, memories that come up. That can be your integration.
Maybe you’re working with feeling unmoored or scattered walking barefoot, gardening, getting your hands in soil, the physical contact with Earth that can help anchor what’s emerging. So physical integration could be walking in nature, massage or body work, something like tai chi, breath work, whatever connects you to your themes and keeps you working with what’s alive.
It could be engaging in art or stories that speak to your themes, seeing a performance, reading a novel you’re drawn to. Listening to podcasts about what you’re working through. It could be creating something, working with clay, making art about a relationship or a moment in your life. It could be working with plants, remedies that address physical emotional elements or using plants symbolically.
Or it could be an intentional absence, stepping back from something you normally do, taking a break from a project you’re stuck on pausing conversations where you keep hitting the same pattern. Stepping away from a practice that used to work but might not be serving you right now.
Okay, so I just gave you a lot of options and I did that intentionally. I want you to see the range of what integration can be, but here’s what’s important. You’re not meant to do all of this. Sometimes integration is about bringing more intention to what you’re already doing, and sometimes it’s about adding one or two new practices.
The key is being precise,
so think about what connects to what’s emerging for you, why this practice and not another, and choosing in a way that’s suitable for you and not overwhelming. Remember, you’re not trying to do integration perfectly. You’re building a. Sustainable practice that works for your life. Not an ideal version of integration.
All right, so now that you’ve thought about this menu, how you approach integration depends on how you’re wired and what your. Ways of being our,
I’m thinking about this as like styles of integration.
So if you’re someone who tends to overwork or if you’re new to integration. Start here. Focus on light lifts. A few minutes. Each day of gentle easeful practices beats intense arduous sessions, so resist the urge to go fast and hard. Your goal is consistency, gentleness, and slowness. If you have experience with integration and don’t tend to overwork yourself, focus on specificity and narrowing it down.
Select one thing at a time to work on that selection process is actually an advanced skill. So if it’s hard, let your support people help you narrow it down.
If you tend to forget what you’re working with or find yourself distancing from it, your integration needs to work with the parts that push you away. Get curious about why something might be difficult. Find compassion. Your integration process might be more about understanding what’s inside you that wants to distance before working directly on what emerged.
You can’t work with what’s emerged when you’re overriding parts that aren’t ready. Sometimes distancing or forgetting comes through dismissing what emerges. If you notice something seems too simple or surface level, there may be a good question to ask about why. Because sometimes the most profound stuff comes wrapped in the mundane.
So if you see something keeps showing up, or you had a dream and you’re like, I don’t know why I’m thinking about this, but it’s. It’s here. See if it’s possible to notice if there’s a part of you that’s trying to talk yourself out of staying, because it doesn’t feel like deep enough if you stay with it.
It’ll reveal what is important to you over time, and if there is a part trying to talk you out of it, it may not know that you need a different pace, a slower pace. If what’s emerging relates to substances or patterns of seeking feel goods, you know, like excessive social media use, streaming gaming, your integration might be more about noticing what’s in the craving.
When you sense that urge coming on, see if you can pause and notice what you’re seeking. Jot it down. There’s usually more than the surface urge there. If it’s using distraction to avoid what’s uncomfortable, your integration might be about noticing what you’re moving away from. So when you reach for distraction, you wanna pause and notice like what feeling or thoughts that are, um, hard to be with that awareness paired with compassion for what is hard.
Becomes the work and part of that work might be working with shame. We can’t get really far with anything when shame comes up and tangles things. I have some things to say about shame in episode six when I talk about context that get left out of self-care.
Okay, so I have to name, this is not an exhaustive list of like all the patterns that are out there. It’s more to get you thinking about, huh, what are my patterns? So maybe you recognize yourself in one of these, or maybe it helps you notice something that’s like really different. Like you have a very different pattern.
What’s most important is. Standing, whatever your tendencies are. So if you notice, like for example, I get lost in too many directions at once, then you know that part of what you need to be working on is simplifying and prioritizing and working with one thing at a time. Once you notice what your patterns and tendencies are, you can choose an approach that works with you instead of against you.
Okay, let’s bring this all together. Integration is what transforms profound moments into a living part of how you move through the world. Without it, insights fade with it. They deepen. You’re standing at a fork in the road every time something significant emerges. One path is tending, staying through the mystery, the frustration, the gradual non-linear journey.
The other is letting it drift and finding yourself back where you started. Integration is collecting artifacts. Choosing practices that fit. And approaching the work in a way that honors your patterns and where you’re at. Transformation is an accumulation of small shifts that fundamentally change how you live.
Don’t let what matters slip through your fingers. The path reveals what you need as you walk it. Next episode, I’ll explore with you plants in integration till then 10 to what’s emerging. All right. I hope this leaves you in a better place. If this episode was useful, please share it with someone who might benefit.
That’s how the show grows and reaches people who need it. You can also subscribe to my newsletter for monthly insights on Herbal Self-Care and building your wellness blueprint. Blinks in the show notes. If today’s episode sparked a question or perspective you’d like to share, reach out, especially if you’re speaking from lived experience or you are a practitioner working with similar themes.
Take care however that looks for you today, and I leave you with birds I recorded on my city block. To wherever you are.
Hi, I'm Quai - psychotherapist, herbalist, and host of In Your Hands: Herbal Self-Care for Emotional Bodies. This show is for anyone deepening their self-care practice, exploring intergenerational patterns, navigating harm reduction or recovery work, herb-curious folks wanting practical guidance, and practitioners looking for resources to share with clients.
I combine herbalism, trauma work, and a critical lens on the systems that shape wellness. Whether you're piecing together care skills that weren't modeled, working with your relationship to coping strategies, or thinking deeply about how oppression impacts wellbeing, this show offers context, frameworks, and practical tools.
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