Lavender gets flattened into ‘the relaxing herb’, but it has dimensions most people never hear about! This episode explores what lavender actually does (something to do with physical-emotional boundaries), when it works, when it absolutely doesn’t, and how to know if it’s your plant or not. For people who love lavender and want to use it more effectively, AND for people who don’t like it or haven’t found it to work for them. You’ll learn how to think critically about any calming herb, plus alternatives if lavender isn’t your ally.
What you’ll learn:
- Why lavender has lost its sense of being special—and how to bring that back
- The boundary healer concept: what lavender actually does beyond “relaxing”
- Four specific experiences + alternatives if lavender isn’t your plant
- Building the skill of noticing: how to work with calming herbs and tell if they are working, and what nervines are
Resource Mentioned:
Want to Learn More?:
Herbs Mentioned*:
- Lavender, Lavandula angustifolia
- Tulsi (Holy Basil), Ocimum tenuiflorum, Ocimum x africanum, Ocimum africanum
- Milky Oat, Avena sativa
- Linden, Tilia cordata
- Skullcap, Scutellaria lateriflora
- Catnip, Nepeta cataria
- Chamomile, Matricaria chamomilla, Chamaemelum nobile
- Lemon Balm, Melissa officinalis
- Rosemary, Rosmarinus officinalis
- Fennel, Foeniculum vulgare
- Ginger, Zingiber officinale
* When an herb has more than one botanical name listed, you can find these varieties.
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Full Transcript:
Welcome in From Out of the Rain, I’m Quai and this is In Your Hands. Herbal Self-Care for Emotional Bodies, a podcast about the complexities of building your own wellness blueprint. I’m a psychotherapist and herbalist who brings a critical lens to the systems that both help and harm. I’ll hold that tension with you as we explore plant remedies, trauma work, nervous system support, and building self-care foundations.
And now for that awkward. Disclaimer, I’ve gotta give you. This shows for educational purposes only and is not a replacement for therapy or personalized herbal care. The herbal remedies and practices discussed are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Please consult your healthcare provider for medical advice.
Now, let’s begin.
Most people’s first encounter with lavender isn’t the real plant. It’s a synthetic fragrance in a candle or in a laundry detergent or something like that. So when you hear lavender, what you’re registering might not be the plant at all unless you’re around plants a lot. It might be a manufactured approximation, and that matters because I assure you that the synthetic of something is really different than the actual plant.
And when we lose contact with a plant or how a plant actually is, how it smells, how it works, we lose something essential. I’m starting with lavender, partly because of how corrupted the experience of it has become. You can smell. Real lavender, there’s a possibility of reclaiming a reference point and getting back to something that hasn’t been manufactured for you.
But when I say smell lavender, I don’t mean like take a quick whi and move on. I’m talking about actually noticing how the scent lands in your system. Do you like it? Does it shift your mood or does it do nothing or does it. Irritate you or call me. Your honest response is information, and this episode is for people who love lavender and people who don’t.
I’ve got lots to say about lavender and whether or not it ends up in your home apothecary or not, you’ll leave this episode knowing more about how to think critically about any herb.
So did you ever notice how lavender is everywhere in wellness advice? I talked earlier about the commercialization of it, but I’m also thinking about how it’s so ubiquitous that we take this plant resource for granted. Even the word lavender might feel like generic or like this wellness buzzword. It’s treated as this universal solution.
And that’s a problem because that means that we get watered down and generic advice that doesn’t work for everyone. And learning the nuance of plants is really important in terms of honoring what they actually are. But also this plant, like all other plants, has dimensions. So let’s bring that back. Okay.
I think that lavender is mischaracterized a lot of times because it’s seen as like a delicate plant, but it’s actually potent and powerful. It’s wound healing properties are pretty remarkable and I’ve been wowed at how fast and well it helps skin heal and. The things that it can provide support with oftentimes go well beyond where people are aware.
I’m not saying it’s a cure. I’m saying it has specific actions that often get overlooked when we flatten it out to just this idea of relaxing. To give a couple of examples, it can be supportive for mood work with hormone related imbalances, and it has digestive and antimicrobial properties. It’s also a plant that can be a mild counter irritant.
I’m not gonna talk about all of those qualities, but I want you to understand that there’s a lot of ways that this plant and many others might be supports for you than what is readily understood about them. Just so you know, for this show, I’m picking plants to work with that coincide with the themes of nervous system support.
Body, mind care, trauma, and self-growth. Lavender is a great one to start with because it’s familiar. When we build on what’s familiar, we learn better. I’m starting with plants that have simpler safety considerations. Lavender is one of them. There are still things to know, which we’ll cover. When I first started learning about plants, I got excited about having my own home apothecary, and I still feel excited and I wanna support you in thinking about what’s in yours.
I’m specifically talking about Lave, doula, and Ghost Folia, which is the Latin name. You wanted to know that Latin name, so you’re working with the right species, and when you buy lavender, make sure it’s on the label. This species is also called English lavender, and it’s the one that’s most easy to find.
It’s commonly used during pregnancy, lactation, and with children when it’s used appropriately, though, the most conservative advice around pregnancy is to avoid all herbs until the end of the first trimester. Appropriate use also includes dosing, which varies by age and individual needs.
If lavender is a good fit for you, it’s great to have at home and for travel because of its antimicrobial properties, because its wound healing and it can be wonderful for emotional first aid. When we reach for herbs in apt moments, our relationship to them deepens.
And you’ll find that working with these botanical remedies become second nature to you. As we journey further with this plant, I’ll tell you, you when not to use it for experiences where it shines. Settling your nervous system, unstuck emotions, releasing tension and sleep support, and how to actually work with it.
Tease aromatherapy, topical oils and more.
So I think about lavender as a boundary healer, not a boundary supporter or one to help you find your boundaries. There’s other herbs that might support you in that process, and I will cover those down the road. Lavender can be a boundary healer for the body, emotions, and heart, which are really one. And.
The same when your skin’s boundary is crossed because there’s a wound on it. Lavender can help heal when your muscles have been pushed past their capacity and are sore. Lavender can help soothe, and when your day extends beyond what you could handle and the stress builds up, lavender helps you recover, cover.
I like working with lavender in my practice because when it’s a good fit for someone, it’s often comforting and it can give a sense of safety. It blends well with other herbs, and I find that when I use it in a formula, it tends to elevate whatever those other herbs are doing well and just. Gives a little more therapeutic strength to the formula.
So I think of it kind of in like this umami type of energy
when you wanna put an ingredient into whatever you’re preparing because you know it’s gonna enhance the overall recipe. In this way, lavender works well as an ingredient. When you combine other herbs with plants that have complimentary strengths, they enhance each other. I find that lavender is particularly good at amplifying remedies for calming stress relief, and trauma support.
And when I think about it from an aromatherapy standpoint, it blends well with some of our aromas that are woody or earthy. And that’s not true of all floral essential oils. If you’re finding this perspective on lavender different from surface teaching about herbs, like thinking about it as a boundary healer, hit the share button in your podcast app and send it to someone who would appreciate that depth.
Thank you. All right. Now that you know about lavender’s versatility, let’s talk about times that you wouldn’t wanna use it so that we can get deeper into the experiences where it tends to be a good remedy.
So lavender is paradoxical. For a lot of people it’s relaxing, but for some people it’s absolutely not. And it’s. Activating. It might even be anxiety producing. So if you have that reaction to lavender, it’s not your herb. If you are someone who finds it calming, if you use too much, it’ll flip the switch and then it’ll become an irritant, and you might find yourself jumpy or agitated, so you wouldn’t wanna use it if you’ve already used enough.
Figure out the least amount that works for you, and then consider that your right-sized amount. So taste and scent are highly personal. If you don’t like the way lavender tastes in a tea blend or you don’t enjoy its aroma, you can’t force yourself into this and it’s not gonna be a relaxing remedy for you.
Nope, nope. Mm-hmm.
Allergies are another consideration. Lavender is in the lame a CI family. And if you’re allergic to peppermint, marum, oregano, rosemary, uh, thyme, basil, sage, lemon balm, or hiss up, or if you notice that you have an allergy to chia seeds, lavender might also produce an allergic response for you. And then the other reason why you wouldn’t wanna use it is if.
Simply don’t have it around. This is why it’s helpful to learn about other herbs that might have some similar actions or qualities, because if you happen to have those around, you don’t wanna go stress yourself out trying to find something when you’re already in the middle of needing care for yourself.
Okay, so as I move into talking about these different experiences where you might wanna think about working with lavender, I’ll mention other herbs along the way. They’re just starting points, not a comprehensive list.
So thinking about lavender for experiences when you need calming, lavender is a nervine and I wanna talk about what that means. Nerve vines interact with your nervous system indirect ways, and they tend to calm, they can relax, soothe, or tone, which means to bolster the nervous system. And that’s depending on what kind of herb you’re working with and what you need.
Nerve vines that are calming can be considered relaxants or sedatives, and lavender tends to be more on the relaxant side of things, but it does have some mild sedative action and there’s herbs that are further on that sedative end of things. Lavender calms essential nervous system, and it also has an anxiolytic effect, which means that it can help with anxiety.
Alternative herbs that can support when you have anxiety are tulsi, which is also called holy basil. Fresh, Milky o Linden, and Skullcap. And then additional relaxing vines are catnip and chamomile, which help to help, which tend to help with stress-induced gastrointestinal issues, and then also lemon balm.
These herbs all have their own personalities and ways of working, but here’s something that’s key. The concept of anxiety alone is too broad to be useful. It won’t help you find the most fitting herb You need to get more specific, like how the anxiety shows up physically, where in the body you feel it, what it is that you’re actually dealing with in terms of like chest tightness, racing heart, or palpitations, perhaps stomach upset.
And also noticing what triggers anxiety for you, or if it’s something that’s around for most of the day. So we need a lot of specifics about your experience to match plant allies to what your needs are. And here’s something else to consider sometimes. It’s really helpful to be working with more than one herb at a time.
So you might need lavender for particular facets of physical tension, and then perhaps another herb like tulsi, which might also help with a mood component to what you’re experiencing. You might have fun trying to blend some of these herbs into tea, and if you need something that’s a more complex formula, it’s always a good idea to think about working with an herbalist.
And on that note of mood, let’s move on to the second experience, which is when emotions feel stuck, when there’s stagnation or melancholy, and it just seems like it’s hanging around and won’t go away. I experience lavender with people when it’s a right or for them, of course. That it just kind of gives a little bit of a gentle lift, and it might be something that needs a lift because it’s been around for a while.
Sometimes it seems like lavender just kind of swirls in there energetically and moves things along that need to keep progressing. It might be that there’s a low mood because of experiences earlier in life, and there’s other herbs that also can help with this. So I’ll mention some of them now. Tulsi, as I said before, also lemon balm and rosemary.
I really like working with lavender for things that are stuck because with trauma that happens sometimes, and lavender can give a sense of safety. And I see when someone has triggers, like medical appointments or fear flying or a charged conversation, lavender can be supportive. Things that are outside of someone’s control and that’s bringing up.
A trigger for them. Sometimes this is a really good plant ally for them.
Okay, so related to trauma, or maybe just related to stress at times is when your body is holding on to tension. Lavender has an anti-spasmodic effect, so if you feel tension in your gut or there’s GI pain, it might be caused by involuntary muscle spasms happening there. Which is controlled by the autonomic nervous system.
Working with lavender can help ease some of those spasms, and you might wanna think about other herbs as well, which could be fennel. Chamomile, or ginger lavender can also be help helpful for when there’s skeletal muscle tension and other herbs that you might wanna think about. For calming. Those would be rosemary and chamomile.
So let’s talk about the last experience, which is when sleep won’t come because there’s too much tension in your body, or you’re unsettled or anxious, and that’s inhibiting the onset of your sleep. Notice the specificity in which I’m talking about sleep disruption. That’s because there’s so many things that can interrupt your sleep.
And if you’re trying to use a remedy that works on one cause of sleep disruption, but there’s other things getting in the way of your sleep, it’s not gonna work. Nope. Nope. Mm-hmm.
One person’s sleep struggle is not necessarily the same as another person’s sleep struggle because there’s divergent reasons and root causes that can get in the way. So you might need different plant remedies and other things as well.
You recap. Lavender can help when your system won’t settle, when emotions feel stuck, when your body holds tension, and when anxiety or tension is keeping you from sleep. But remember, you need to get specific about what you’re actually experiencing to know if lavender is the right fit. So with these various experiences in mind of when you might wanna think about lavender, let’s talk about the different ways that you can work with it.
Okay, so there are many ways to work with lavender, and I’ll cover some of the most accessible ones here. Teas, tinctures, aromatherapy, and topical oils. Future episodes will go deeper into preparation methods. Some of these are internal when you drink a tea or make a tincture, and even when you use aroma therapy.
People don’t always think of aromatherapy as internal, but you’re inhaling essential oil molecules that are very tiny. They come into contact with a mucosal tissue in your nasal passage and enter your bloodstream. Uh, topical oils work externally on your skin. For t you wanna brew it as a therapeutic strength.
T some people call this medicinal strength. I have a BLO blog post with details if you’re new to this, and I’ll include that in the show notes. Let’s get into talking about tea and lavender. I wanna mention a few things that are particular to lavender. One is that most people find it too potent of a taste on its own, so it’s usually best to blend it with other herbs, and usually it’ll be the one that’s on the smaller side of the ingredient list.
Quantity wise, it’s also important to know that the volatile oils that are in the herb are really important for the calming effects, and these evaporate through the steam of the tea when you’re brewing it, and so you cover your cup. With either a glass or ceramic plate or cover while it’s brewing, and then make sure that when you’re done, that you let the steam drip back into the cup so that you can collect those aromatic compounds because those are what are.
Working directly with your nervous system for the amount of time that you’re brewing. If you don’t like Bitter Brew for about five minutes. Once you get past five to seven minutes, it gets more bitter. That can be helpful if you’re using it for a digestive aid, but if that’ll put you off to drinking it, you, you wanna shorten that.
You don’t wanna put yourself off to drinking it. Now if you are using lavender for calming and in the evening, I would try to do that 90 minutes to two hours before sleep with a tea, because you don’t wanna wake to have to use the bath to have to use the bathroom.
Another form is to work with tinctures or glycerides. That’s where you see an amber bottle with a dropper on it, and tinctures are made with a base of water and alcohol. If you’re someone that does not consume alcohol, you can use a glycerin, which is a base of water and glycerin. This is portable and a good idea if you’re trying to use it right before sleep.
Dosing varies widely. It depends on how your body metabolizes things, what you’re working with. The tinctures quality, uh, how your system responds to herbs and what else you might be taking, as well as other factors. This is why I can’t give one universal dose here. Even a half dropper full can be enough for people who are sensitive and very responsive to working with herbal remedies.
It’s important that you’re working with your body’s feedback and always wise to start low.
So moving on to herbal oils, which is one of the gentlest ways to work with many plants, you need to explain what an herbal oil is, which is not when you dilute an essential oil into some type of massage or carrier oil. That’s a common way that people dilute essential oils to work with them. Herbal oils are totally different than diluted essential oils in a carrier oil.
They’re very gentle. I reach for herbal oils when someone’s system is sensitive during pregnancy with children, or when a strong scent isn’t wanted for acute muscle pain or other acute issues sometimes. You want something stronger and a diluted essential oil and a carrier might be a better remedy. An herbal oil is made by combining plant material into oil, and it sits there and is shooken up for a few weeks and then is separated out.
The process allows the constituents to be infused into the oil, and if you work with these, you’ll see that they have a different quality, a different feel than working with a diluted essential oil in oil. Now, to say some more about herbal oils, it can be applied directly to the skin. You can apply it to tight muscles, places that are sore, or even on areas of your body where you can benefit from the aroma, smelling it easily, so it could be on your chest and people like to rub it into their temples, the base of their skull at back of their neck and shoulders, and it could be used for a full body massage.
Basically see what you’re most responsive to and what feels good to you.
I wanted to talk about lavender with baths ’cause I actually don’t use it that way a lot. Herbal baths can feel luxurious and they can be this complete experience bringing love and care to your body and senses. So they can be wonderful. But what I find is that the times I would most benefit from a lavender remedy.
When I do not wanna put that work into creating an herbal bath, so if there’s something that’s gonna create a barrier to actually working with it, it’s not a good option. Alternatively, Epsom salt baths instead are pretty convenient. Those Epsom salts dissolve quickly and they have some of the same benefits as lavender, helping muscles relax and helping tension come down and preparing you for.
Sleep. Plus you could use lavender aromatherapy alongside an Epsom salt bath. Okay, so lavender aromatherapy, it’s only gonna work if you have a positive response to the aroma if you do here sometimes to think about working with it, to prepare for rest or sleep, to decompress when the day was long or stressful.
If you have to get through something that feels. Scary or triggering like a medical appointment or a flight. Some of the easiest ways to use it are with a personal inhaler, which you can carry with you anywhere. You can put a drop on a cotton ball and have it near you, or you can use a diffuser.
So we’ve covered the main ways to work with lavender Teas brewed at therapeutic strengthen. Tinctures and glycerides where dosing actually varies based on your body and needs. Herbal oils for topical use and when you want something gentle and aromatherapy for sleep prep during times that are charged or something that might be scary or triggering and stressful moments.
If you try lavender and feel nothing, a few things might be happening. First. Your dose might not be adequate. You might need more at once. Uh, if it’s a tea, you know, more dried. Herbs in your tea or increasing from a half dropper full to a full dropper full or more if you’re working with tincture or glycerides.
Uh, or you might need multiple doses. Many calming herbs work best when we take two, three, or sometimes even more spaced apart by 20 minutes or for about 20 minutes. Second, your remedy might be poor quality. Third is that lavender just might not be your plant. There are many other calming herbs to explore.
The fourth reason could be that you need to pair it with other practices like taking an Epsom salt bath, doing some movement, talking with someone who makes you laugh or having calming music. Herbs work best when they’re part of other practices and a bigger picture of trying to support your system. And the fifth could be that herbs might not be your modality at all, and that’s okay if that’s what you discover.
But if you do feel some support, even subtle, that’s usually a sign that lavender or whatever herb you’re trying, could be a good fit. So keep gently increasing that dose to see what feels right.
I also wanna acknowledge that noticing whether something is working isn’t always straightforward. If you didn’t grow up tracking your internal states or getting support with noticing subtle shifts in your body and mood, this can be hard. That’s not a personal failing. It’s a skill that you’re building.
So if you’re finding it difficult to tell whether lavender is helping, try making it concrete for yourself. Maybe you write down your stress level on a scale that you can track or. You can set a timer for after you drink a tea or take a a tincture or glycerin. Um, I like to do that 20 minutes after I take something to notice what I am perceiving.
You also can look at if you’re reaching for other coping strategies less often, so those tangible markers can help when the felt sense isn’t as clear. And this is also exactly the kind of thing that various practitioner can support you with. They might ask you specific questions that you never thought of before.
I’m thinking about body workers, therapists who are somatic in their orientation. Herbalists and meditation teachers, they can help you develop the awareness and notice patterns that you might miss on your own as you’re building these skills. All right. I know I covered a lot, so let me recap. I talked about lavender as a nervine, how it calms soothes emotions, releases tension, and can support certain kinds of sleep struggles when it’s the right fit.
I discussed how you need to get specific about your anxiety experience, noticing how it shows up in your body and what triggers it, because that’s how you match herbs to your actual needs, not just the label of anxiety. If you wanna work with lavender, you can try blending it into a tea, using aromatherapy, applying an herbal oil.
We’re working with many other forms. Remember, lavender is everywhere in wellness advice, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the right fit for you. In upcoming episodes, you’ll meet other herbs for nervous system support and emotional work, and I’ll go deeper into preparation matters. Methods. Until then, I want you to think about this with something that’s been recommended that doesn’t actually work for you.
Start noticing that.
All right. I hope this leaves you in a better place. If this episode was useful, please share it with someone who might benefit. Fit. That’s how the show grows and reaches people who need it. You can also subscribe to my newsletter for monthly Insights on Herbal Self-Care and building your Wellness Blueprint links in the show notes.
If today’s episode sparked a question or perspective you’d like to share, reach out, especially if you’re speaking from lived experience or you are a practitioner working with similar themes. Take care however that looks for you today, and I leave you with birds I recorded on my city block to wherever you are.
Hi, I'm Quai - psychotherapist, herbalist, and host of In Your Hands: Herbal Self-Care for Emotional Bodies. This show is for anyone deepening their self-care practice, exploring intergenerational patterns, navigating harm reduction or recovery work, herb-curious folks wanting practical guidance, and practitioners looking for resources to share with clients.
I combine herbalism, trauma work, and a critical lens on the systems that shape wellness. Whether you're piecing together care skills that weren't modeled, working with your relationship to coping strategies, or thinking deeply about how oppression impacts wellbeing, this show offers context, frameworks, and practical tools.
We explore plant remedies, nervous system support, and the often-overlooked infrastructure that makes sustainable self-care actually possible. Join the newsletter at for care tips, episode announcements, and herb recipes.
